If you are confused… I have not dropped off the face of the planet, I did not move, nor did I turn into a little green person. (You would be suprised what people will think) :-). I am alive and well, if a tad bit over-busy. Suffice it to say, that I have to be very disciplined with my time, and I keep running into the problem of my body requiring sleep. However, I was born with a high capacity for sleeping in any and every location. Which is why I have nodded off a few times (multiple) in the prayer room. The most embarrasing was when I was sitting next to the “Holy Spirit Window” (let the reader understand). I really hope nobody noticed. :-S
However, that does not mean that bloggable events have not ocurred nor does it insinuate that I have nothing to share. My most primary thought of the last few days has been my utter depravity. I spent about a week trying to get by without spending time in my secret place. I was terribly miserable the whole time. Which just goes to show you the insanity of running from God – the giver of life and the most beautiful person ever. Toward the end of that week, as my pride began to crumble under my utter misery, the following phrase flashed through my mind. “In the commerce of the the knowledge of God, I am a beggar.” I really like the sentence, for literary reasons. I think it is true too.
But, I am encouraged at the same time, by Psalm 27:4. For a period of time I had an aversion to this verse, mostly because when I read it, I felt the significance of my lack of being that person who dwells in the courts of God. Then, it struck me. The verse says, one thing I have desired and that will I seek. David was not dwelling in God’s courts and gazing on His beauty when he wrote that verse. He was longing to be in that place. And I realized, that longing goes deep within me as well. Even though I am easily distracted (so unlike the dove of the Song of Songs), and my heart flits from one thing to another. I hope that it is the work of God during my life to make me loyal, faithful, undistracted with a gaze only on Him. Only He can accomplish that, with this weak little fearful (cowardly) heart. It would be a marevelous work. And something for which I will be grateful for eternity. Lord, may it be so!